my fountain of youth joke

going to bring work home for a second

so i've told some of you before that i go through 

phases of phrases

with my patients...

i don't even know where they come from, 

i don't make any conscious effort 

to start a new one per week or anything like that - 

they just happen and then i notice that i'm using the same phrase repeatedly 

throughout the day/week/months

until it phases itself out and a new one starts

you just told me your totally obscure job description:

"oh my gosh how interesting"

you just told me about some silly thing your granddaughter said/did:

"you've got to be kidding me!"

you just told me an inside joke with your family (aka you had to be there): 

"stop"

to the patients with wheelchairs/walkers/canes when i leave the room:

"don't go anywhere"

cue senile chuckles

to the teens/adolescents when i leave the room:

brb (pronounced 'birb')

cuz i'm hip like that

to the lil brats kids who say i look 34 when i ask them how old they think i am:

"get out of my room and don't come back"

just kidding  - that was fake, i don't actually say that

but they think i look 34?! shit.

moving on...

lately i've been making references to the fountain of youth

always on the very elderly patients

and it seems to be a crowd-pleaser.

example:

such an old woman came in and she had short-term memory loss,

we're talking dory from finding nemo

but she had IMMACULATE skin

(little bit of exaggeration but nonetheless, i'd take it at her age)

i asked her what creams she uses (of course i did)

surprise! she couldn't remember - how convenient.

so i said "are you sure you haven't found the fountain of youth 

and you're just not telling me"

she LOL'd. so did i.

fountain of youth?! really? 

and today:

i'm ultrasonic-ing an old man patient up on his front teeth

the water-mist is going everywhere on his face, like it always does

at an appropriate pause, he says

"is this water doing anything to help my face?"

that's a gimme, gotta reference the FOY, how could i not?

so i said

 "actually we pipe this water in from the fountain of youth, 

so when i sit you up you're gonna be like  benjamin button 

and have wrinkle-free baby skin"

i haven't even seen that movie. 

but he loved it, 

made him laugh and forget about the water-mist all over his face.

gotta love that FOY.

cheek kiss

got kissed on the cheek

 by a very gracious, very old woman at work today

there's always one thing like this per day 

that makes working hard all day 

and the sweet designer bags under my eyes

totally worth it

portrait of an old woman by louise de hem

probably not as much as i should

bringing work home with me for a second

"so what's your flossing like?    

no yeah i totally get it, starting that habit is so hard...

how many times a week would you say you do it?   ok so like every once in a while....

oh right those little picks? um they're better than nothing but you can't curve it that well...

well i just think that you have to try to do it at least every other night to start 

definitely try not to skip two nights in between 

because then that plaque just hardens and gives you gnarly DB* -

and you can't get if off, your toothbrush can't get it off, floss won't, 

just a professional cleaning will.

if you did it every night for a week, you'd see a huge difference, 

less bleeding, it wouldn't hurt, and then you just have to maintain it from there...

plus, you('re) ___________ so healing would happen really fast!

(insert young, seem like you're health-conscious, a cute-girl, etc)

my goal is to make progress every time you come in not just play catch-up"

literally say this 8 times a day and mean it

and they listen, i swear

* i just think this, i don't say it out loud